Charm City scorecard

In my most recent posts documenting my St. Paddy’s Day trip to Baltimore, I promised to give the pubs I visited their grades. I think I gave them all adequate reviews, maybe a little light on details but I was under time constraints. Anyway, here’s the report card, loyal readers.

Mick O’Shea’s: This place made the best impression on me. It’s a great Irish-American pub that has everything I’m looking for: great selection, attention to detail (the mural of Ireland on their wall is awesome), and solid craic. A-

Tir Na Nog: This is one of those places where the sum is less than the whole of the parts. At first glance, the place looks good enough, with a really good Irish whiskey selection and an old-world décor. It’s big and spacious, but it’s also over-priced and has a hollow feeling. I’m not one who has a knee-jerk negative reaction to a newer place that is pre-packaged Irish, so to speak. Not every pub has the luxury of being around for 50 years with a proud display of well-worn artifacts and a worn out bar top. A place that is built to look like an old-fashioned Irish pub is okay by me, as long as there is a sincerity of purpose and the respect of tradition. Tir Na Nog just doesn’t have what it takes, no craic, which is a major deficiency especially on Saint Patrick’s Day. Craic at an Irish pub on 3/17 is like sex on Valentine’s Day, a gimme, and if you can’t lock it up, you are really doing something wrong. The décor was wrong as well. Lots of the pictures and posters looked like they were of mid-19th century England, rather than the auld sod. The Victorian American-Irish pubs usually are chock full of Irish stuff. Tir Na Nog looks like the Baltimore chapter of the American Anglo-phile Society decorated it. The place was all wrong in the details, and even though I’ll give a place extra credit for having such a good selection, Tir Na Nog just doesn’t have the stuff. C+

James Joyce Irish Pub: In my second post, I documented the difference between the Irish-American Pub and the American-Irish Pub. The former is primarily an American bar but is heavy on the Irish accents, while the latter explicitly references pubs from Ireland, what I call the “Cohan’s Effect” (from Cohan’s pub in The quiet Man). While Mick O’Shea’s is an excellent example of an Irish-American Pub, James Joyce Irish Pub is a terrific version of an American Irish Pub. The bar had everything you’d want from an Irish place on Saint Patrick’s Day, or any other day. James Joyce has lots of good whiskey and beer and a comfortable setting. The décor is very well put together. I particularly like the collage of Irish whiskey labels on the wall headed towards the restroom (I hang out in all the best places). The bar had a fun and lively feel, and I’m looking forward to a return visit to savor the atmosphere more fully. A-

The Blarney Stone: This place wasn’t on the itinerary, but I’m glad we came across it. It’s a laid-back, locals type place that still felt accessible and comfortable to a couple of out-of-towners like my wife and I. The selection is good, and the décor and craic are amenably low-key. The gigantic gavel hanging from the ceiling is both wonderfully distinctive and completely baffling. It’s just there, with no explanation attached. But The Blarney Stone seems like that kind of take-it-as-it-is pub, and it is all the better for it. B+

Slainte: In Gaelic, slainte means “cheers” and it’s a term that’s associated with good times. So this pub should probably change its name to “Fuck off, we’re a generic gin mill disguising ourselves as an Irish pub.” You might not be able to fit that on a standard bar shingle, but if the shoe fits. Slainte was my least favorite place in Baltimore, and not just because I got a glass of whiskey that tasted like soap. The bar just felt like a personality-deficient tourist trap that went with an Irish identity because the owners couldn’t think of anything better. The place might work fine as a meat-market drink factory for the 25-35 crowd, but an Irish pub it is not. My wife has no good words for it either, and us smart fellows know that our better halves are pretty perceptive about these matters. C-

So there you have it, dear readers, where to go, and not go, for the good craic in Charm City. More to come with future visits. Slainte!

Questions? Comments? Suggestions? Paddythepublican@gmail.com